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This article is a transcript of The Thundermans episode "Thunder Van" from season two, which aired on September 13, 2014.

  • [Max, Nora, Billy, and Phoebe are having lunch] Barb:More salad, Phoebe? [Phoebe is on her phone] Phoebe? [Phoebe's phone rings] Phoebe? [Phoebe picks it up]
  • Phoebe: Hello?
  • Max: [talking to Phoebe on his phone] Mom wants to know if you want more salad.
  • Phoebe: Why didn't she just ask me? [Barb uses the food pliers to take Phoebe's phone and puts it on the table] Sorry. I was just chirping my friends on Chirper.
  • Max: [whispering] Phoebs, you're confusing Mom.
  • Barb: No, she's not. I chirp my friends all the time. We're all like, "Chirp, chirp, girlfriend!"
  • Phoebe: See, Mom, Chirper is a social networking site. [silence] Let me back up. This is a cell phone. [a horn honks from outside]
  • Billy: Hey, I know that honk! [they go outside and see the Thundervan] The Thundervan!
  • Phoebe: Awesome!
  • Nora: Cool!
  • Hank: Yep. I got this old crime-fighting machine out of storage from Metroburg.
  • Barb: Oh, yep. Your father and I chirped up a lot of memories in this swag wagon!
  • Nora: Mom, don't.
  • Hank: I gave this baby a new security system, and so the non-supes think it's a normal van, I got a state-of-the-art cloaking device. [opens the car door and gets a sign that says "Hank's Fine Meats" chuckling then puts it on the Thundervan covering the Thundermans logo] Eh?
  • Max: [talks sarcastically] Wow, Dad, where'd the Thundervan go?
  • Billy: Come on, let's go for a ride.
  • Hank: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, the Thundervan is full of dangerous weapons and gadgets.
  • Max: [laughing, rubs hands together] Yeah!
  • Hank: [laughing, rubs hands together, mocking Max] No! This van is off limits to you kids. I only brought it home so Phoebe could start her next level of superhero training.
  • Phoebe: Wait, for real? I thought Thundervan training started next year.
  • Hank: Hero University is offering an early admissions test. If you ace it, you could be a full supe before Max could grow a mustache.
  • Max: Hey! Maxstache is coming in.
  • Hank: Just think, Phoebe. You could drop the normal teen act and be who you were born to be.
  • Max: I'll tell you where I was born to be, the driver's seat of that meat wagon. Give me the keys, Hanko.
  • Hank: Uh-uh. Once you're over your evil phase, then we'll talk.
  • Max: It's not a phase!
  • Hank: Then we're done talking.
  • Barb: Oh, you just got chirped, son! What, what?
  • Hank: Barb, don't. 
  • [theme song] 


  • [scene changes to show Hank in the living room. Phoebe comes down the stairs]
  • Phoebe: Are we still training or is Nora having a play date?
  • Hank: You don't train in the Thundervan until you first practice here in our...
  • Phoebe: Play date?
  • Hank: Here, follow along in the manual. [tosses the manual to Phoebe. She catches it, but because it's too heavy, she falls] We'll work on the balance later. But first, this is your driver's seat and these are your navigation controls.
  • Phoebe: [honks the toy horn, laughing. Hank looks at Phoebe] Continue.
  • Hank: Your high-tech crime-fighting center is in the back. Now, to go from the back to the front, you swivel. [swivels in his chair]
  • Phoebe: Got it. Swivel. [does the same]
  • Hank: Yeah, swivel. [he and Phoebe swivel in their chairs again and again] Faster. Swivel.
  • Phoebe: Swivel!
  • Barb: [comes downstairs] Sorry to interrupt your... play date, [Pheobe's phone chirps] but Phoebe's phone is going crazy. She's getting chirped on the chirper. [laughs] I mean, hashtag. Am I right?
  • Phoebe: Mom, don't. Ooh, uh, Cherry's mom is driving all our friends to the midnight show of Last Teen Mission to Space: Part II. Can I go?
  • Hank: At midnight tonight? No way!
  • Phoebe: I know, right?
  • Hank: No, I mean, "No way."
  • Phoebe: But, Dad, my friends and I have seen Last Teen Mission to Space: Part I like a million times. I can't miss Part II. Everyone I know is going.
  • Barb: Aww. She's got a point, Hank.
  • Hank: But if you stay out late tonight, you'll be too exhausted to train tomorrow.
  • Barb: He's got a point, Phoebe. [Hank and Phoebe look at her] Not helping. Got it.
  • Hank: Your early admissions test is in a week.
  • Phoebe: Wait, a week? That's so soon!
  • Hank: If you don't know your superhero vehicle inside and out, you'll fail. You don't want to fail, do you?
  • Phoebe: Of course not. That's Max's thing.
  • Hank: Exactly.  That's why you're not going. You've been preparing for this your whole life. So you miss the movie tonight. Someday they'll make a movie about you.
  • Phoebe: As long as it's not a flop like someody's movie.
  • Hank: Hey, Thunderpants the Musical paid for this house.
  • Phoebe: All right, fine, I'll stay home and study. Where's that Thundervan manual go? [Phoebe sees Max flipping through the manual]
  • Hank: Max, stop learning.
  • Max: It was worth it just to hear you say that.
  • Phoebe: I'll take that. [uses telekenesis to get the book, but when she catches it, she falls again]
  • Max: Hope that's in your movie. [scene changes to show him in his bedroom. He sniffs his hoodie and shrugs. He puts it on]
  • Dr. ColossoPlease take me with you, Max. I would do anything for a joyride in the Thundervan.
  • Max: No can do, Colosso. But I got you this guy to keep you company. [gives Dr. Colosso a stuffed bear]
  • Dr. Colosso: A stuffed bear? What am I-- a child?
  • Max: No. You whine way more than a child.
  • Dr. Colosso: [whines] I do not!
  • Max: You'll be fine. Just use your imagination. [goes up to the window]
  • Dr. Colosso: Fine. I'll imagine you care! [Max goes out the window] Like I'm going to play with some toy. [looks at the stuffed bear] Hmm... [scene changes to show Dr. Colosso and the stuffed bear on a rock. Dr. Colosso is wearing a winter hat and jacket. The stuffed bear is wearing a winter jacket as well with a rope tied around its body and a pickaxe] Okay, I'm intrepid explorer Colosso Beauregard, and you're my faithful sidekick Teddy Stuffington. Today we conquer Mount Everest! [the rocks leading up to Max's window are covered in snow. Max sneaks through the backyard and goes behind the kitchen door]
  • Hank: No, I love you more! [Barb laughs]
  • Max: Why do I have parents who enjoy each other's company? Just go to bed already!
  • Hank: You know, I should probably take out the trash. [picks up the garbage bag]
  • Barb: You're going outside like that?
  • Hank: Yeah. I'll be so fast, no one's going to see me. Time me! [Max looks for a place to hide. Realizing there's nowhere to hide, he poses as a statue. Hank puts the garbage bag in the garage bin as fast as he can] Like a human cheetah! [he bumps into the door. He opens it and goes inside] How'd I do?
  • Barb: Super fast, baby!
  • Hank: Yes! [jumps with joy. Max looks out the kitchen window to see if Hank and Barb are gone. Barb pulls down the blinds.]
  • Max: Finally. [jumps over the fence, rolls, and crawls over to the Thundervan. He scooches over to the door and types in the passcode. He opens the door. Phoebe is in the Thundervan]
  • Phoebe: Max?
  • Max: Aah!
  • Phoebe: What are you doing in here?
  • Max: Shh!
  • Phoebe: Why are you shushing me? The van is soundproof!
  • Max:  Oh. Well, in that case, [yelling] get out! I'm taking it on a joyride.
  • Phoebe: You get out. I'm trying to study. How'd you even get in here?
  • Max: Oh, I spent the last hour hacking into Dad's computer to get his password.
  • Both: "Hamburger."
  • Max: How'd you know?
  • Phoebe: I've met him.
  • Max: Well, since we're both here, let's take this baby to Medieval Munchies. Friday's 2-for-1 turkey leg night.
  • Phoebe: No, I'm trying to study this manual.
  • Max: Fine, okay, I'll quiz you. All right, so where is... hyperspeed button?
  • Phoebe: Uh, there. [points to the button]
  • Max: Rocket mode button?
  • Phoebe: There. [points to button]
  • Max: Button that turns on the van?
  • Phoebe: Nice try.
  • Max: Oh, so you don't know where it is?
  • Phoebe: I'm not falling for that.
  • Max: Phoebe, it's okay to not know everything about the van.
  • Phoebe: [pause] It's right there! [points to button. Max uses telekenesis to push Phoebe's hand to press the button. Lights turn on from the back and buttons beep] Max!
  • Max: Autopilot, take us to Medieval Munchies. [he and Phoebe put on their seatbelts. The van starts moving. Scene changes to show Dr. Colosso and the stuffed bear in Max's bedroom]
  • Dr. Colosso: Well, Teddy, we're halfway up the mountain. Which way next, my faithful sidekick? [pause] What do you mean, you lost the map? [pause] You fool! You've stranded us! [screams. The camera throws back once, twice, three times while he's screaming. Scene changes to show Max and Phoebe at Medieval Munchies' drive thru in the van]
  • Employee: [giving them their orders in an English accent] Two Henry VIIIs and two Black Death Coolers. Thank ye. Cometh again.
  • Phoebe: Thank you.
  • Max: Autopilot, [English accent] driveth. Let us hoist our Medieval Munchies. [Phoebe's phone chirps] Could I not hear a dying bird while I eat my turkey leg?
  • Phoebe: It's just my friends chirping about the movie.
  • Max: Space Teens? Pheobe, you're in a superpowered van on a joyride. This is a lot more fun.
  • Phoebe: But it's not a joyride, it's a pre-training session.
  • Max: Whatever you call it, it's a blast. [Phoebe starts to eat her turkey leg, but all that's left is the bone]
  • Phoebe: What happened to my turkey leg? [a belch is heard] Something tells me that burp comes with a bow. Autopilot, pull over. [the Thundervan stops moving. Phoebe and Max unbuckle their seatbelts. They come out of their seats and find Nora and Billy hiding. Their mouths are covered in barbecue sauce. Nora belches]
  • Nora: Excuse me.
  • Phoebe: What are you two doing in here?
  • Billy: Playing when we're not supposed to. [dances] It's how we do!
  • Max: Who told you Dad's password was "hamburger"?
  • Nora: The grease stains on his T-shirt.
  • Phoebe: Okay, well, we've got to get you guys back home.
  • Nora: No! We don't want to go home yet!
  • Max: Yeah, I haven't finished my joyride.
  • Phoebe: We're going to get busted.
  • Nora: No, we're not!
  • Max: We're not going to get busted. 
  • Phoebe: This is so irresponsible! [her, Max, and Nora start arguing]
  • Billy: Guys! Guys! 
  • Nora: This is so unfair! [Billy pushes a button. An alarm goes off]
  • Max: What did you do?
  • Billy: Everyone was all stressed out, so I pushed the de-stress button.
  • Max: De-stress?
  • Billy: Uh-huh. [Phoebe sees that the sign above the button says "distress"]
  • Phoebe: That says "distress"! As in send out an alert saying, "Hey, world, we're a bunch of kids in a van who shouldn't be in a van!"
  • Billy: [pushing the distress button repeatedly] So I should stop pushing it? [scene changes to show Hank carrying a pile of food from the fridge in the house]
  • Barb: Hank... [looks at him]
  • Hank: I thought I heard a burglar.
  • Barb: In the refrigerator? Look, it's the Thundervan's distress signal. [shows Hank the signal on the tablet. Hank takes it and goes to the window. He opens it and sees that the Thundervan is gone]
  • Hank: It's gone! I bet one of my enemies followed me home from Metroburg and stole it! But how did he figure out my foolproof password?
  • Barb: You mean "hamburger"? [Hank sputters]
  • Hank: Well, that little thief is in for the ride of his life, thanks to my advanced security system. [goes to the security system and clicks on "van." Scene cuts to the van]
  • Male Voice: Intruder Lockdown Mode activated.
  • Billy: I swear I didn't push anything! [the windows close by themselves. Max, Billy, Nora, and Phoebe scream]
  • Male Voice: Five, four...
  • Phoebe: Everybody buckle up! [they buckle their seatbelts]
  • Male Voice: Three, two, one... [the van goes really fast]
  • Phoebe: It's hyperspeed!
  • Max: [speaking slowly] G-force selfies! [holds up his phone slowly and takes the photo. The van stops moving. The kids jerk forward]
  • Max, Nora, Billy, and Phoebe: Ugh! [the windows open to reveal the ocean]
  • Max: [terrified] We're at the bottom of the ocean.
  • Phoebe: Is everyone okay?
  • Max: No, 'cause we're at the [screaming] bottom of the ocean!


  • Max: [pushes buttons randomly] We've pushed every button and nothing's getting us out of here!
  • Male Voice: Two minutes of oxygen remaining. 
  • Nora: We're running out of air!
  • Billy: Just calm down, everybody. Take deep breaths. [takes deep breaths. Phoebe, Max, and Nora glare at him. Nora punches him]
  • Phoebe: [gets out the manual] There's got to be some way to turn off Intruder Lockdown Mode. [flips through pages] Aha! Chapter 75. [goes to Chapter 75] 
  • Max: Yeah, yeah, right there.
  • Phoebe: "Chapter removed in case you are an intruder"? Oh, uh, "Please see Chapter 76, 'Sucks to be you'"? We really are stuck down here. [windows close again] Or not! [the kids tighten their seatbelts. Scene changes to show Hank and Barb in the backyard. Hank chuckles while on the tablet]
  • Barb: You're having a good old time pushing buttons, aren't you?
  • Hank: Whoever's in the van deserves this. [the Thundervan is parked in front of the garage]
  • Barb: All you've done is bring it back into the driveway.
  • Hank: Yes, but thanks to this simulator, the thief thinks he was at the bottom of the ocean and now... [on the tablet, on the "van speeds" options, he chooses "hyper speed." It shows a speed meter showing how fast the van is "going." He laughs] he thinks he's riding at hyperspeed! [the windows close. Inside the Thundervan, it's "going" at hyperspeed. The kids scream. Outside the van, Hank laughs]
  • Barb: Hank! Hank, shh. You'll wake the kids.
  • Hank: Oh, you're right. We don't want to wake our little angels... or Max. [laughs] All right, and now, thanks to my new cameras, we are going to see who's inside. [the tablet says "audio and video unavailable"] "Audio and video unavailable"? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not good. All right, better call Tech Support. [gets out his phone]
  • Barb: Can I pretend to send him somewhere? 
  • Hank: Yeah, just be quick. [on the phone] Hello, this is Thunderman. I'm having a problem... oh... uh, yeah, well, sure. I'll do it. [yells] Thunderman, away! [raises his fist. Barb looks at him puzzled] I would love to do it for your boss. [to Barb] What? I can't say no to a fan. I'm all he has.
  • Barb: Ooh, this one looks scary. [clicks on an option. The Thundervan stops moving. The kids jerk forward again]
  • Max: Well, at least we're probably not at the bottom of the ocean anymore? [the windows open to reveal the inside of a volcano]
  • Phoebe: Right, Max. We're inside a boiling volcano. [sarcastically] Much better!
  • Nora: Yeah, Max! Thanks for the joyride!
  • Billy: Oh, and the turkey leg. It really hit the spot. [Max, Phoebe, and Nora look at him again]
  • Nora: We were just fine hiding in the back while Phoebe was studying!
  • Max: Hey, you guys remember when Billy hit the Distress button?
  • Billy: [Nora shakes her head in disappointment] Don't you dare bring this back to me! [scene changes to show Dr. Colosso and Teddy still on the rocks in Max's bedroom. Dr. Colosso is writing in his journal]
  • Dr. Colosso: [voice-over] "This will be my final journal entry. Morale is low. Rations are lower. I've come to accept the inevitable. Tonight I eat Teddy." [looks at Teddy nervously. Voice-over finishes] What's that, Teddy? I'm just jotting down a recipe for breakfast. Well, get some sleep. I'll take the first watch. [laughs evilly. Scene changes to show Max in the Thundervan]
  • Max: Okay, guys, there's some good news and bad news. The bad news is it's only a matter of time before the lava melts through the van.
  • Nora: What's the good news?
  • Max: I don't have any. Didn't think I'd live long enough to finish this sentence. 
  • Phoebe: What are we supposed to do? As long as the van is in lockdown, we're... trapped.
  • Max: Well, this can't be it. I haven't conquered the world yet and I was so close! Seriously, you guys have no idea.
  • Nora: What about me? I haven't finished reading Phoebe's diary.
  • Phoebe: Nora!
  • Billy: And I haven't finished learning how to read. [tries to read the Distress button] "De-stress"? [scoffs] Who am I kidding?
  • Nora: What are we worried about? Phoebe's going to save us!
  • Billy: Yeah! She's going to be the best superhero ever.
  • Phoebe: I'm not so sure about that, guys.
  • Max: Phoebe, they're right. Okay, you might as well be a full supe already-- you've trained like crazy.
  • Billy: Yeah, and you were in here studying when this whole thing started. [him, Max, and Nora start encouraging Phoebe]
  • Nora: Yeah, Phoebe, you can save us!
  • Max: Yeah, you were reading the manual!
  • Billy: You're going to save us!
  • Nora: Come on, you can do this!
  • Billy: You are going to save us!
  • Phoebe: You guys, stop! I wasn't studying. I was in the Thundervan because... I was gonna take it to sneak out and meet my friends. [Max, Nora, and Billy gasp]
  • Max: Shocked selfie! [holds up his phone and takes a photo of him, Nora, and Billy doing shocked faces. Scene cuts to show Hank still on the phone in the backyard]
  • Hank: Oh, no, thank you, Kevin. Thunderman, goodbye! [hangs up] All right, they rebooted the surveillance system. Now, let's see the criminal mastermind who stole our van. [Barb clicks on the camera option and her and Hank see Max, Nora, Billy, and Phoebe in the van]
  • Barb: Those are our criminal masterminds!
  • Phoebe: [on the tablet] I was gonna take the Thundervan and go to the movies without Mom and Dad knowing.
  • Hank: [in the backyard] She what?
  • Phoebe: [in the Thundervan] I know I was supposed to study tonight, but when I got that message from my friends, all I really wanted was to skip training and go have fun with them.
  • Max: Phoebe, that is so irresponsible. I'm so proud of you. [Phoebe makes a puzzled face]
  • Phoebe: Yeah, well, Mom and Dad won't be. But I can't help it. I really like being a normal girl.
  • Hank: [in the backyard] Is she saying she wants to blow off being a superhero?
  • Phoebe: [on the tablet] I'm not saying I want to blow off being a superhero. [Hank and Barb nod in realization]
  • Hank: [silently] Oh.
  • Phoebe: [in the Thundervan] I just don't want to go to Hero University right now. I want to go to prom and school plays and football games. Isn't that why we moved to Hiddenville in the first place?
  • Barb: [in the backyard] Yes, it is, baby! Yes, it is! Hank, get them out of there! [gives Hank the tablet. In the Thundervan, the windows close again. The kids buckle their seatbelts]
  • Billy: Not again! Please, Thundervan gods, take us to a puppy farm! [the kids brace themselves]
  • Male Voice: Intruder Lockdown Mode deactivated. [the windows open to reveal their neighborhood]
  • Billy: [shouting] It's horrible! It's worse than I could have possibly imagined! [normal voice] Oh, I live here.
  • Phoebe: We're home. Oh, my gosh, you guys, we're home! Wait, how are we home? [Hank and Barb go to the driver's door window]
  • Hank: We're sorry, kids. The whole thing was a simulation. We thought the van had been stolen by some evil mastermind.
  • Max: Well, technically, you weren't too far off. [grins]
  • Billy: Let's get out of here. [Billy pushes past Phoebe, but her right knee pushes one Black Death Cooler onto the security system buttons]
  • Phoebe: Billy! [an alarm goes off]
  • Male Voice: Rocket Mode activated.
  • Billy: Uh-oh. [the windows close again. Hank and Barb back away from the van. Dramatic music plays]
  • Hank: It's in Rocket Mode. [Lights and smoke comes from the bottom of the van] They're about to blast off... for real!
  • Barb: Blast off to where?!
  • Hank: I don't know!
  • Barb: [on the security system screen in the van] Kids, do whatever you can to get out of there! This is not a simulation! We're trying to-- [the security system goes to menu]
  • Max: I've got it-- the manual! [gets out the manual. He starts hitting the driver's door with it repeatedly] I... don't... want to... get... blasted... into... space! [stops. He continues] This... isn't... working! [drops the manual and grunts]
  • Phoebe: Space... Space... That's it! Max, when everyone was trapped in an enemy ship in Last Teen Mission to Space Part I, they escaped by ripping a hole in the floor.
  • Billy: Spoiler alert!
  • Phoebe: No, Billy, we might be able to melt a hole in the floor and get out of here. [Outside, Hank is trying to push the van open. He grunts]
  • Hank: Barb, use your electricity!
  • Barb: Hank, I can't! The van's metal!
  • Hank: Just do it! [Barb uses her electricity on the van. The electricity travels from the van to Hank's hands. He screams] Stop doing it! [Barb stops. Hank checks his hands]
  • Max: [inside the Thundervan] How do we do that? The melting point of the van is 2,000 degrees.
  • Phoebe: Okay, well, maybe if Billy super-shuffles his feet and Nora concentrates her lasers while you and I combine our heat breath, it might be hot enough to melt the van. What do you think? [Nora, Max, and Billy are already doing what Phoebe said]
  • Nora: Just waiting for you, Blabby. [Phoebe uses her heat breath]
  • Male Voice: Blastoff in five, four, three, two, one... [Barb and Hank jump back and fall on the floor. The van is floating in midair and blasts off]
  • Barb: Oh, no! My babies, they're...
  • Hank: Right there? [Max, Billy, Nora, and Phoebe are huddled up on a piece of the Thundervan]
  • Hank: Oh, thank goodness!
  • Barb: I love you guys! [the family hugs each other]
  • Nora: Phoebe saved us!
  • Billy: It was so intense!
  • Hank: Listen, Phoebe, I heard everything you said in there about Hero University. 
  • Phoebe: Are you disappointed that I don't want to take the early admissions test?
  • Hank: A little, but I'll always be more disappointed in Max.
  • Phoebe and Max: Aww, thanks, Dad.
  • Barb: [looking on the tablet] Hey, looks like the Thundervan's just going to crash into the ocean.
  • Nora: [looks for her bow and gasps] Oh, no! I left my bow in there! [Hank sighs]
  • Hank: [unenthusiastic] Thunderman, away! [flies up. Nora finds her bow on the ground]
  • Nora: Oh, wait. [laughs nervously] Here it is. [Barb rolls her eyes. Scene changes to show the whole family in the Thundervan]
  • Hank: Honey, I know you want to take a break from training, but there's one last feature of the Thundervan I want to show you. [Phoebe sighs] Just push that button. [Phoebe pushes the button. She holds up a tray of hamburgers. They both laugh] Perfect hamburgers!
  • Phoebe: Everybody grab a password! [everybody grabs a hamburger]
  • Billy: Good call on the drive-in, Dad.
  • Max: And bad call on the movie, Phoebe.
  • Barb: What? Last Teen Mission to Space Part II is totes cool.
  • Nora: Not bad, Mom.
  • Barb: Yeah. Well, I am groovetastic. Ooh, Barb in the house-- [swings her arms around, but they hit the popcorn bucket that Max was holding, causing the popcorn to get on Max and Nora] Oh!
  • Phoebe: And we're back to "don't." [episode ends]

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