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This article is a transcript of the Thundermans episode "Meet the Evilmans" from season two, which aired on February 23, 2015.
  • [scene opens at Splatburger with Phoebe doing her homework as fries drop to the plates through the hanging tubes, she grabs a fry but Max steals it]
  • Max: Fry reception. [eats the fry]
  • Phoebe: Jerk kick. [kicks Max]
  • Max: OW! [starts asking for ketchup but nothing happens as Jay Jay comes out of the kitchen] Hey Jay Jay. Why isn't the ketchup button working?
  • Jay Jay: Ketchup is off line. Table 8 had a Splatastrophe. [the customers of table 8 are covered in ketchup. Max tries to get a ketchup bottle from a table by using telekinesis but Phoebe stops him]
  • Phoebe: Max! What are you doing? You can't use your powers to get that ketchup. People'll see you. I'll get it. [gets up]
  • Max: You are such a scary cat, and a chicken. You're a chicken-cat. [Phoebe sits again]
  • Phoebe: Hey. I'm not scared, okay? I have food mystery toops.
  • Max: Then use your powers, chicken-cat. [starts imitating a chicken and then meows. Done with this, Phoebe uses telekinesis to bring the ketchup bottle to the table]
  • Phoebe: Ha. Who's the chicken-cat now?
  • Max: Why won't you ask the guy who just saw you using your powers. [Phoebe turns around and finds a boy shocked that Phoebe has superpowers]
  • Phoebe: [freaking out] What I do?! What I do?!
  • Max: Exit.
  • Phoebe: I know. I'll just live under this table forever. [quietly as she slides to under the table] Send money and close.
  • Max: No. Don't. Go over there and make him unsee it.
  • Phoebe: Fine. He saw my superpowers. Now, he's gonna see my girly powers. [gets up and acidentally throws her hair to her face but then puffs and starts talking to the boy] Hey. Did you see my little magic trick there. I've got a million of them. [imitates the trick of putting the thumb back]
  • Link: That's cool. Hey. Can you do this? [stretches his right hand's thumb using his left hand. Phoebe is shocked]
  • Phoebe: No, I cannot.
  • Link: My name's Link. [quietly] I have superpowers, like you. [stretches his arm to grab a chair, in which Phoebe falls. Max approaches them]
  • Max: Way to fix things, Phoebe. [uses the ketchup bottle to spray some ketchup on Link's fries and starts eating them]
  • [theme song]
  • [scene changes to show Phoebe and Max in Max's Lair]
  • Max: Okay. Once I hack into the supes' database, we'll know exactly who this Link guy is.
  • Phoebe: I can't believe there's somebody else with powers in Hiddeville. With such a super cute smile. [Max gasps as it looks like he found information about Link]
  • Max: You're not gonna believe who his father is. Dad's greatest enemy. [shows to Phoebe an image of Evilman and his information]
  • Max: Evilman.
  • Phoebe: Evilman?
  • Dr. Colosso: Ha! I thought his greatest enemy was Skinny Jeans.
  • Phoebe: Evilman is Link's dad. This is awful. He hates Evilman.
  • Dr. Colosso: That's 'cause he's the one supervillain your father could never beat. Every fight ended in a tie and in a city being destroyed. Those with the days.
  • Max: Dad is just jealous of Evilman's awesome laugh. [plays Evilman's laugh. Soon Hank comes down through the swirly slide and lands on Max's bed]
  • Hank: Where is he? Evilman's stupid laugh.
  • Max: Evilman? No, no. Uh, that was just me trying to find my signature supervillain laugh. What do you think of this? [tries to laugh evilly but with no success]
  • Hank: I like that. But not the other one. That laugh and anything to do with Evilman is forbidden in this house. [leaves the lair using the staircase]
  • Phoebe: Never seen him moving that fast.
  • Max: How could that get him mad? So go out with Link.
  • Phoebe: Are you crazy? I'm cancelling right now. [gets her phone to do so]
  • Max: Phoebe! You gotta go out with him, then I meet his dad to become evil besties and inherit his Ice Base. [shows a photo of the Ice Base] 13 degrees of frozen evil. It's the ultimate supervillain lair.
  • Dr. Colosso: What is wrong with our lair?
  • Max: It smells like a pet store.
  • Dr. Colosso: Phoebe, you just got burnt.
  • Phoebe: Alright. It's done. No supercutie for me. [sadly leaves the lair but Max uses telekinesis to get Phoebe's phone without she knowing]
  • Max: I'm not losing my Ice Base. [starts texting] Hey Link. J.K. We're totes on for tomorrow. Smilly, Wing Heart. [ends texting and scoffs] That feels so dumb. "[excited]" Now what am I wearing to Evilman? [starts seeing his clothes. Scene changes to Billy and Nora in the living room, Billy is playing jump-rope and is using his super-speed as advantage. He ends]
  • Billy: 280,00 jumps. Do you think you can beat that? [Nora burns the rope with her laser eyes]
  • Nora: I guess we'll never know. [doorbell rings and then the alarm beeps]
  • Voice: Alert, alert. Package delivered. [Billy super-speeds, opens the door and finds the package on the door]
  • Nora: Wow. A toy delivery? [puts the package on the coffee table]
  • Billy: I can't wait to see what it is. I hope it is a jump-rope. [Nora opens the box and finds a toy helicopter]
  • Nora: Cool. A remote control helicopter.
  • Billy: Nora. The box says it is for somebody named Pete Fisher. We can't open this, we have to tell Mom.
  • Nora: Why do that when playing with it first, then put it back in the box and nobody will ever know?
  • Billy: Isn't that stealing?
  • Nora: Not if I call you Pete Fisher for the rest of the day.
  • Billy: I don't know. It doesn't sound great.
  • Nora: Would you prefer Peter?
  • Billy: I would. [he and Nora take the helicopter with them. Alarm beeps as Max goes to the living room with a water bottle]
  • Voice: Alert, alert. Son of Evilman approaching.
  • Max: Shh! Be cool Thunder Monitor. [pushes it down] Let's do this so I can get my Ice Base. Phoebe! Overachievers of America right at the door for you!
  • Phoebe: Overachievers of America? They're a week early. [laughing] Of course they are. [opens the door as Max presses the button changing the portrait of their family to the normal one] Hey Link. Link? Link! [slams door and covers her mouth with her hands as she's in panic] What is he doing here? Oh do I look? Why did you do this?
  • Max: Ice Base. Who cares? Ice Base. [opens the door]
  • Phoebe: Max. You can't let Evilman's son... [to Link] Heeeey. Sorry about that. Doors are weird.
  • Link: No worries. I brought a gift. [reveals the ketchup bottle] The ketchup that brought us together.
  • Phoebe: Ohhhh.
  • Max: Phoebe, are you trying to say "please come in"? [Phoebe nods in affirmation]
  • Phoebe: Come in.
  • Max: YES! I just really love ketchup. [Link enters]
  • Link: So listen before we go out, there's something you should know. The reason I have superpowers is because my dad is... [inbreathes] Evilman.
  • Phoebe and Max: Whaaat?
  • Link: It's been lying to me my whole life but trust me, I'm nothing like my dad.
  • Phoebe: Link, look. I believe you but my parents would never let me go out with you knowing that your dad is Evilman, so we should just go.
  • Link: Okay. I'll leave this here. [puts the bottle of ketchup on the button and the portrait of the Thundermans is changed to the one of the family as superheroes. Link is shocked] Your dad is Thunderman?!
  • Phoebe: Put your voice down. [changes the portrait back to the normal one]
  • Link: This is terrible. My dad hates your dad like hate-hates like even more than being woken up from naps.
  • Phoebe: Our parents will never have to find out. This is about you and me.
  • Max: And maybe an Ice Base. [Phoebe opens the door as Barb arrives with groceries]
  • Barb: Oh. Hey guys. Who's this?
  • Phoebe: [nervously] Hey Mom. This is Link.
  • Barb: Hi Link.
  • Link: I-I-I'm-I'm Link.
  • Barb: Yes, I heard.
  • Phoebe: Uh, we were just going out.
  • Barb: Oh. That must be your car in the drive way. Hank! Phoebe is going out with a boy who has a car! [Phoebe extends her arms wanting to know why Barb had to tell Hank. Hank comes down the stairs without pants and gives a serious look to Link]
  • Max: [to Phoebe] You were wrong before. That's the fastest he's ever moved.
  • Hank: So, who do we have here?
  • Barb: Link.
  • Phoebe: Link.
  • Max: Link.
  • Hank: Does Link have a last name?
  • Phoebe: Uh, Link... Link.
  • Hank: Link Link. So your name is after a panda and you want to drive my daughter around?
  • Link: Uh, yes sir. [Max pushes him a little and Link extends his hand for a greeting] It's very nice to meet you, sir, Mr. Thundersir.
  • Hank: Mm. You're already afraid of me and we're running with a good start. So let's check out this "car" . [Barb clears throat] After I put on some "pants". [walks upwards to get a pair of pants. Scene changes to the backyard where Hank checks out Link's car] Nice car Link Link. Got a reaview mirror? 'Cause you never know if someone is following you, watching your every move. [Link turns around and gets scared]
  • Link: [nervously] Yeah. Yeah. I got a rearview mirror in a sideview mirror even a little mirror inside the side rearview mirror. I'm not a mirror. Please like me.
  • Phoebe: Okay Dad. I think Link has passed your little test.
  • Link: You have nothing to worry about sir. My dad has even an emergency GPS button which alerts him my exact location whenever the car breaks down.
  • Hank: Your dad sounds like a smart man. I like him already. [Link laughs hysterically along with Phoebe and then stops. Max presses the GPS button]
  • Max: [quietly and rubbing his hands] See you soon Evilman.
  • Hank: What was that Max?
  • Max: I said let's see if Link can pass the vision test, man.
  • Hank: Good point. I hate to see a yet blind sighted. [takes Link to the living room]
  • Phoebe: [quietly to Link and giving him two thumbs-up] You're doing great. [Scene changes to Max's Lair to show Billy and Nora dressed up as a pilot and co-pilot respectively]
  • Billy: [using a micro] We only have captain Nora and co-pilot Peter Fisher. Thank you for choosing Thunder air. [ends message. Nora puts the helicopter flying]
  • Nora: We're flying. Ah! We're crushing! [accidentally pushes the wrong controls and the helicopter hits the rocks and falls to the ground]
  • Billy: Nobody panic!
  • Barb: [from the entrance] Max?
  • Nora: It's Mom.
  • Billy: EVERYBODY PANIC!
  • Nora: Hide the evidence. [Billy super-speeds and throws the helicopter away before Barb comes down]
  • Barb: Ohh.You look so cute. Have you two seen a package of Mr. Fisher down the streets that was delivered here by mistake?
  • Nora: We haven't seen a thing. Have we Billy?
  • Billy: No helicopter.
  • Barb: Well. Max swears he didn't take but it had a double track. I can't trust Max but I can trust you guys. [leaves. Nora fells a little bad for lying. Dr. Colosso pushes a button that makes the sound of a celebration]
  • Dr. Colosso: Congratulations. Your first crime. [pushes a button and confetti come out flying. Laughs evilly]
  • Nora: Crime? We didn't commit a crime.
  • Dr. Colosso: Tell that to the cops when they take you away for stealing. They're gonna throw the book catcher.
  • Billy: They are? I would even like a book handed to me.
  • Nora: All we have to do is fix the helicopter, put it back in the box and say we found it. We'll be heroes.
  • Dr. Colosso: Congratulations. Your first cover-up. [pushes the button again and confetti come out flying. Laughs evilly. Scene changes to the living room to show Link being scanned by Hank. Hnak ends revistation]
  • Hank: Okay Link. You have my permission to go out with Phoebe. Clearly you were raised right. [Phoebe gets up from the couch. Max is standing next to the kitchen door]
  • Max: [to himself] Okay Max. As soon Evilman gets here, just tell you're a big fan and he's the father you never had. [doorbell rings] The front door? [runs to the front door] I'll get it! I'LL GET IT! I'LL GET IT! [opens the door and sees Mike Evilman] Hi. I wanna fan your father. [Evilman gets confused. Max growls to himself in anger] Amateur. [covers his face with his hands]
  • Link: Dad, what are you doing here?
  • Mike: Your car's emergency alert went off. I came here as fastest as I could.
  • Phoebe: [sarcastically to Max] I wonder who pushed it!
  • Barb: Come on in, Mr. Link.
  • Mike: It's Evilman. It's Mike Evilman. Thank you.
  • Hank: Wait a minute. You look familiar. [Phoebe and Link loot at each other worried that Hank finds that Mike is his greatest enemy] You're the mattress guy from those commercials! I'll put you down.
  • Both: ♪ On the most comfy mattress in town ♪ [greet each other]
  • Hank: Hank Thunderman. Please have a sit.
  • Barb: Well, it's been a pleasure talking to Link. He seems like a very good boy.
  • Mike: Ooh. Yes, some might say "too good."
  • Hank: I have the opposite problem with my son. Do you wanna trade? [he and Mike fist bump. They start laughing but then Mike makes the last part of his laugh. Hank makes a shocked look. Phoebe, Link and Max get worried] I know that laugh!
  • Phoebe: No, no. You don't. This is a person you're meeting for the first time.
  • Hank: YOU'RE EVILMAN! [uses his super-strength to break the scanner he used on Link and drops it to the ground]
  • Mike: You're Thunderman! [rips his shirt and tie apart and reveals a t-shirt with a T of Thunder Man covered by a "NO" sign]
  • Max, Link and Phoebe: Uh oh. [Hank and Mike growl at each other]
  • Barb: No, no, no, no! You two are not destroying another one of my homes or cities.
  • Mike: Save your sparks Electress. Link and I were just leaving.
  • Hank: You're not leaving. I'm kicking you out! [Mike and Link leave and Hank closes the door] Evilman's son, Phoebe? Really? Oh. You are never to see that boy again! [leaves]
  • Phoebe: My supercutie!
  • Max: My Ice Base! [scene changes to show him in his bedroom with ice furniture] I guess I should've waited until I had my Ice Base before I order this ice furniture. [Phoebe comes in with a sandwich for him]
  • Phoebe: Hey. Max. I know you're pretty bummed so I brought a sandwich.
  • Max: Oh. Thanks sis. [grabs the sandwich to eat it but Phoebe knocks it down]
  • Phoebe: You idiot! Evilman was in our house.
  • Max: I know. Everything I could say was "I wanna fan your father." Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
  • Phoebe: Not that. Now Dad is freaking out because his worst enemy knows where we live. He's calling the Hero League now to find what we should do.
  • Max: Oh. I know what we shouldn't do. Waste perfectly good sandwiches! [Phoebe stomps the sandwich] I'm still eating that one when you leave.
  • Phoebe: Also gonna cover me so I can go sneak out and see Link one last time.
  • Max: After what happened, how do you know he wants to see you again? [Link, offscreen, super-stretches his arm through Max's Lair's window to give Phoebe a bouquet of flowers]
  • Phoebe: Oh. [grabs the flowers and Link makes a goodbye gesture with his hand and stretches his arm back to his body]
  • Max: [shrugs] Okay. I'll do it for love.
  • Phoebe: Really?
  • Max: Yeah. Love for the Ice Base.
  • Phoebe: I'll take it. [puts the flowers in a jar and leaves through the window]
  • Dr. Colosso: [surprised] So you're really gonna help her?
  • Max: Noo. I'm gonna rat out those love birds, then Dad'll need Evilman to track down Link's car and I can finally meet him.
  • Dr. Colosso: Didn't you already meet Evilman?
  • Max: THAT DIDN'T COUNT! [scene cuts back to Billy and Nora in the backyard trying to fix the helicopter]
  • Billy: Just melt this spiny thing with the pointy thing, we could stay out of the jaily thing. [Nora uses her laser to do what Billy said]
  • Nora: Done. Let's make sure it works. [she and Billy get up. She tries to make the helicopter flying but the helicopter only spins before it explodes into pieces]
  • Billy: I don't wanna be Pete Fisher anymore. [Hank is seen talking to President Kickbutt through the Thunder Monitor]
  • President Kickbutt: Our elite says that Evilman has been retired for over 10 years and poses no threat. Has he done anything wrong?
  • Hank: His son asked my daughter out.
  • President Kickbutt: Okay. This is the Hero League Emergency number, Thunderman. Not the Desperated Dad help line.
  • Hank: Where is that number?
  • President Kickbutt: Oh. I have it riiight here. [clicks a button and hangs up. Max runs towards his father]
  • Max: Dad! Phoebe snucked out to meet Link.
  • Hank: What?
  • Max: But we've gotta find Evilman so we can track down Link's car.
  • Hank: Oh. He's probably at his mattress store. Thunderman, away! [flies through the roof, leaving broken pieces on the floor]
  • Max: [rubbing his hands] Alright. I'm getting a second chance. You're Max Thunderman. He's good to meeting you. [Hank comes back from the mattress store with Mike]
  • Mike: I hate being woken up from naps!
  • Max: Hi. I'm Cral Calan. Where did it come from?
  • Hank: Your evil spawn ran off with my daughter.
  • Mike: Impossible. I told him to stay away from that goody-two-shoes. I'm putting an end to this right now.
  • Hank: Oh. Not if I put an end to it first.
  • Mike: Um. I've got the phone that can track down Link's car and their location.
  • Hank: I allow you to proceed. [Mike touches his phone and sees where Link and Phoebe are]
  • Mike: They're in some terribly named place called "Splatburger"
  • Hank: Thunderman, away! [flies through the roof]
  • Mike: Evilman rise! [flies through the roof too]
  • Max: Max, catching the bus. [runs outside. Billy and Nora go to the living room]
  • Nora: Rememeber, we've got riden of the evidence so we're in the clear. Just be cool.
  • Billy: Don't worry. I'm totally cool under pressure. [an officer shows up]
  • Officer Dan: Freeze right there.
  • Billy: AAH! THEY'VE FOUND US! [Barb goes down the stairs]
  • Barb: I thought I heard my little angels. Oh. Hello officer. What is going on?
  • Nora: It's all my fault! We lied and stole Pete Fisher's toy and broke it.
  • Billy: Then we fixed.
  • Nora: Then we blew it up.
  • Billy: Then we buried it out back.
  • Nora: Please don't let him take us to jail.
  • Barb: Billy and Nora, I can't believe you lied to me. Officer, I'm so sorry.
  • Officer Dan: I'm sorry too ma'am. That you're not eating a hot dog!
  • Barb: I know, I can explain but uh?
  • Officer Dan: I'm from the new restaurant "Cop Dog" and I'm here to protect and serve you this coupon. [hands to Barb a coupon] Have a hot dog everyday. [gives one thumbs-up and leaves. Barb crosses the arms as she gives Billy and Nora a mad look]
  • Nora: So. Wonder who made this mess. [tries to hug her mother but Barb refuses. Scene changes to Splatburger to show Link and Phoebe sit and making a thumb war]
  • Link: Yes.
  • Phoebe: I'm gonna win this one.
  • Link: Yes.
  • Phoebe: No
  • Link: No you're not. [an employee gives them their drinks]
  • Phoebe: Thank you.
  • Link: Oh, they forgot the ice.
  • Phoebe: Oh. I got this. [looks to her left and then uses her freeze breath on Link's drink, making it cold]
  • Link: Thanks. [super-stretches his right arm secretly and touches Phoebe's shoulder with his index finger. Phoebe looks behind and discovers that Link used his elasticity] Just a little superpower fun.
  • Phoebe: I never get to do stuff like this. I was set to pretend to be normal when I'm out.
  • Link: I know. Normal is so boring. My dad is a mattress sales man now, he basically sleeps while he works.
  • Phoebe: Oh. My dad is retired so he basically sleeps on the couch until it's time to go to bed. [she and Link laugh]
  • Link: Are you worried about us getting caught together?
  • Phoebe: Nah. If there's one thing my brother is good at is lying to our parents. [Hank and Mike arrive] And apparently to me.
  • Hank: There they are.
  • Mike: I saw them first. [Hank tries to jump into his enemy's back as Phoebe shows an annoyed expression on her face]
  • Phoebe: So much in common. [Hank and Mike run towards their kids but their backs start hurting and they moan in pain]
  • Hank: Phoebe. You are in big trouble.
  • Mike: And they explicaty forbid you from seeing this good girl again.
  • Link: Why? Because of your issues? We're not you, why can't we hang out?
  • Mike: Your daughter is manipulating my son. [throws a chip at Hank]
  • Hank: Whoo-ooo-ooo. You're so lucky there's all these people around.
  • Mike: Since when did I ever care about people? Grab a tube, boob.
  • Phoebe: No.
  • Link: Dad, no.
  • Phoebe: Don't.
  • Link: Don't do this, please.
  • Phoebe: Dad! Seriously?
  • Jay Jay: FOOD FIGHT! [the customers of Splatburger run to safety as Hank and Mike program the tubes]
  • Mike: Eat chicken, turkey face. [fires chicken at Hank and laughs]
  • Hank: I hope you like cupcakes, cupcake. [fires a cupcake at Mike, covering a little of his shirt of chocolate and laughs]
  • Mike: It looks like it's Nacho Day. [fires nachos at Hank and laughs]
  • Hank: I'm gonna knock your gaucoff. [fires guacamole at Mike and laughs]
  • Phoebe: Enough! Stop acting like children!
  • Hank and Mike: [pointing to each other] He started it. [Max arrives]
  • Phoebe: Don't you guys realize how much have in common? You both gave up your capes, moved your families to suburbans and you both sleep all day. You're basically the same person.
  • Hank: I have better hair.
  • Mike: Well, I'm a beloved local TV celebritity.
  • Phoebe and Link: [sternly] Dad.
  • Hank: Fine. [puts his tube down] But only because I hate wasting food.
  • Mike: The fact that your willing to put down your tube makes me realize that you're defenseless. Hasta la vista baby.
  • Phoebe: No! [uses telekinesis to redirect the tube and Mike ends hitting Max with spaghetti]
  • Mike: Ha! The weird kid got it.
  • Max: You finally knowest me.
  • Phoebe: Look, Dad. I'm sorry I lied but Link and I really like each other and you're trying to keep us apart because of your pass.
  • Hank: You guys are right. We should be apologizing to you. You're not us.
  • Mike: Heck. We're not even us anymore.Look at this, we couldn't even destroy this tacky restaurant.
  • Max: Well, since you're old and sleepy, how much can I give you for your Ice-Base?
  • Mike: Oh, I sold that to open up my mattress store.
  • Max: Mattresses aren't evil.
  • Hank: Try on mine. It's like a boulder with a sheet on it.
  • Mike: Are you needing a new mattress, you could buy one of mine.
  • Hank: Ooh.
  • Mike: I'll put your down on...
  • Both: ♪The most comfy mattress in town♪ [Mike laughs and leaves with Hank]
  • Phoebe: Did we just end a life long feud?
  • Jay Jay: It only costs you $372. [hands to Phoebe the bill and walks away]
  • Link: Don't worry. I got this. [super-stretches his left arm and steals Mike's wallet] My dad's wallet. I'm a little evil. [Phoebe chuckles]
  • Phoebe: We'll split it. [makes a pop sound and takes Max's wallet out of her pocket] My brother's wallet. [she and Link smile at each other. The episode ends]

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