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This article is a transcript of the Thundermans episode "Max's Minions" from season two, which aired on September 27, 2014.
  • [episode begins with Phoebe in school meeting with Cherry and Kelsey]
  • Phoebe: Cherry, Kelsey. I asked my parents to go to the new dance club with you guys and at first, they said they weren't sure but then they said yes! [she and her friends scream]
  • Principal Bradford: Hey! No squealing in the halls.
  • Phoebe: Sorry Principal Bradford. We're just really excited cause our parents are letting us go to the new teen dance club this weekend.
  • Cherry: It's called Club...
  • Cherry, Phoebe and Kelsey: [with their arms up] Ooh Ooh. [Bradford chuckles]
  • Principal Bradford: Oops. I must be wearing my talk-to-me face. [changes his emotion like a mimo] Don't talk to me. [bites into his sandwich and walks away]
  • Kelsey: I can't wait. Our first real dance club.
  • Cherry: Can I goona celebratory "girlfriends"?
  • Phoebe, Kelsey, Cherry and Max: GIRLFRIENDS!
  • Phoebe: You look happy. What did you do?
  • Max: You know me Pheebs. Always trying to spice up someone's day. [a scream is heard and it turns out to be Principal Bradford]
  • Principal Bradford: Hot! Hot! Hot! This chimichanga is stuffed with fire!
  • Max: [quietly] Jalapeño. [Principal Bradford tries to drink water from the water fountain but it only fires hot sauce to his mouth]
  • Principal Bradford: Hot sauce fountain?
  • Max: [holding a hot saucer bottle] Who would do such thing? [points to himself. Principal Bradford gets his hands stuck on the fountain]
  • Principal Bradford: Who put super glue on the hot sauce fountain? [he tries to get his hands out of the fountain but it is useless]
  • Phoebe: You again, girlfriend?
  • Max: [holding a glue can] You got it. Quick, get some water from the bathroom! [a student does what Max said an when he opens the door, a sound of a trumpet is heard as the musician playing the trumpet and another musician playing guitar come out. Max starts shaking his maracas]
  • [theme song]
  • [scene changes to show Max in the hallway greeting players]
  • Max: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, member. They're no small pranks, only small people. [notices Principal Bradford] Hey, Principal Bradford. I was just talking about you. [Bradford puts a poster of Max on the wall ]
  • Principal Bradford: I used to be able to talk. [he turns around and his mouth is burned after the hot sauce]
  • Max: [reading] Public School Enemy #1. Max Thunderman. Hard work does pay off.
  • Principal Bradford: I know you did this Max. I don't have proof but I promise you, I'll find it before the blisters on my throat heal. [walks away. Behind Max, there are Lionel, Jake and Tom]
  • Max: Whoa. Nerd wall. [moves backwards] Can you guys move? [Lionel, Jake and Tom walk towards him] I mean away from me.
  • Lionel: That prank you pulled on principal was amazing. The whole school is talking about it.
  • Max: Oh. So you're fans, huh? [takes Tom's book to give an autograph] Who do I make this out to?
  • Tom: It's Tom.
  • Max: There you go, Tim. [gives Tom his book back]
  • Tom: Hear that guys, I'm Tim now. [Max starts walking away]
  • Jake: Mr. Prank King, wait!
  • Lionel: We were wondering if you could teach us your pranky ways.
  • Max: Guys. Pranking isn't something you can learn, you either got it...
  • Lionel: We'll pay you.
  • Max: Or you got money.
  • Tom: We'll do whatever you say.
  • Max: Hmm. I will need minions if I'm gonna take over the world someday.
  • Lionel: You mean the school?
  • Max: Yeah, that. Alright, let's get started. Right after we get this smudge off Lionel's shirt. [Lionel looks down and Max hits him with the pen]
  • Lionel: We just started, didn't we?
  • Max: Yup. [Transitions to Hank and Barb playing cards while Phoebe walks through the front door]
  • Phoebe: Look who it is, my favorite people! 
  • Hank: Are there two Channing Tatum's behind us?
  • Barb: Yeah, I think she means us, but I'm gonna check anyway.
  • Phoebe: I can't wait for this weekend. Thank you so much for letting me go to Club Ooh Ooh!
  • Hank: Ah, you've been doing a great job with school, you deserve to dance the night away at Club...Ew Ew.
  • Barb: No, Hank, it's Oooh Ooh.
  • Hank: Oahhh, Oahhh!
  • Barb: Oah!
  • Hank: Boh!
  • Phoebe: Stop that. Anyway, my friends and I are so excited. We're getting our hair done...getting our nails done...
  • Barb: ...getting our chores done...
  • Phoebe: Oh, yeah, not a problem. 
  • Hank: Before you go to the club.
  • Phoebe: Uh, yeah, that's a problem.
  • Barb: Phoebe, your chores have been piling up, and you promised you'd do them. [Phoebe is handed a list of the chores that she has been neglecting]
  • Phoebe: But there's like a bazillion things on here. I won't have time to get clubbed up with my friends.
  • Hank: Oh, welcome to Club Not-Our-Problem. [Barb hands Phoebe a feather duster] Here's your VIP pass. [Hank and Barb celebrate and go upstairs]
  • Phoebe: Ugh, alright, if I just don's sleep and have breakfast in the shower, I can still get this done before the weekend. [Phoebe walks and flips over the paper] Double-sided?
  • Thunder-Monitor: Alert! Alert! Max and Non-supes approaching. [Phoebe uses telekinesis to push down the monitor and walks over to change the family portrait. Max and his "prank buddies" walk in.]
  • Lionel: Check it out, Tom! That girl you stare at in math is here. 
  • Tom: Shut up, Lionel.
  • Max: Hey, I said no dweeb chatter. Now get downstairs! 
  • Phoebe: What are those guys doing here?
  • Max: They're my new minions. I'm gonna mold them in my image and take over the world. Or at least buy cool stuff with their money. [Max laughs and runs downstairs]
  • Phoebe: How come he gets minions? I'm the one with chores! I want minions.
  • Billy [offscreen]: I'm gonna get you, Nora! [Nora screams in response]
  • Phoebe: Hello, minions.
  • Nora: You'll never catch me. [Nora runs across the living room while Billy uses his superspeed to catch Nora.]
  • Billy: You were saying? 
  • Phoebe: Billy, Nora, how would you guys like to get real superhero training? 
  • Billy: Really?
  • Nora: I could use it. Billy just outsmarted me. Billy.
  • Phoebe: It'll be great. When I was your age, dad used some pretty fun exercises to make me a better superhero. What are you guys? Like, six and eight?
  • Nora: We're nine and eleven! [Billy makes an "are you dumb" face.]
  • Phoebe: Wow, you guys are WAY behind. [Phoebe walks away]
  • Billy: I don't wanna fall behind! Train me first. 
  • Nora: No, me first! 
  • Phoebe: Easy minions-- I mean, students. You guys can train together! It'll be a lot more work for me, but you guys are worth it. [Phoebe pushes them along and Billy and Nora run off. Scene changes to in Max's lair, with Lionel, Tom, Jake, and Max. Max, wearing a headset, jumps off one of his rocks and yell teaches his minions.]
  • Max: Max-imize yourself! Only way to become the best prankster you can be is to stop being you and become me. Any questions so far?
  • Lionel: Um, sir, why do you wear a microphone when you're right next to us? 
  • Max: [yelling] Impact! [speakers echo and then buzz. Max walks over to a whiteboard] Alright. MAX. M: Mindlessly heed Max. A: Aspire to be Max. X: Exactly like Max.
  • Lionel: Exactly begins with an E. 
  • Max: I said, "mindlessly heed Max!" [Minions are scared and rush to write notes.] All right, we'll start prank lessons tomorrow, but first... Homework. 
  • Tom: Yes!
  • Max: Tonight, you'll all have to watch my DVD: "Pranky Max Thunderman, You're Welcome." You owe me $12.95 each.
  • Lionel: We gave you all our cash. 
  • Jake: Do you take credit cards? 
  • Max: Yes. [snatches it out of Jake's hand] But I don't give them back. [Scene changes to the backyard with Phoebe "superhero training" Billy and Nora in the backyard.]
  • Phoebe: Behold! My superhero training dojo.
  • Billy: That's... weird cause dad calls this the yard.
  • Phoebe: It's actually the location for our level one training.
  • Billy and Nora: Oh.....!
  • Phoebe: Now, today we'll be battling the hedges and imprisoning the leaves. Here are your weapons. [Phoebe hands Billy gardening scissors and Nora a rake]
  • Billy: Cool! Giant scissors! Can't wait to run with these babies.
  • Phoebe: And we're switching. [Phoebe switches Billy and Nora's "battle weapons"]
  • Nora: Aren't these just garden tools? 
  • Phoebe: Ah, maybe to the untrained eye, but to an advanced superhero, they're... what I said earlier. You do wanna be an advanced superhero, don't you?
  • Billy: I do!
  • Nora: Me too!
  • Phoebe: Good. [Turns to explain to Nora what the garden scissors do] Now these will help with your hand-eye coordination. [Turns to explain to Billy what the rake does] And these will help with your strength and rake-icity.
  • Billy: I'm gonna rake this city clean.
  • Phoebe: Alright, you guys keep training. I gotta get to the nail salon-- library.... to plan your next lesson. Quick, the leaves are escaping! [Scene changes to Hiddenville High with Max and his minions, holding pies, as the bell rings.]
  • Max: Alright, come on, guys. Okay, Tom, when Bradford comes around that [points] corner-
  • Lionel: Hold on. You didn't say we were pranking the principal. 
  • Max: Lionel, if you wanna be the best, you gotta take on the top dog. Or if you wanna quit, that's fine, too. Just gotta pay the quitting fee.
  • Lionel: No, no, I'm not quitting. I can't afford to quit. [Tom shakes his head.]
  • Max: Now that's the right attitude. Tom, got your pie, let him have it.  [Max, Lionel, and Jake go up stairs while Tom hides next to a locker to get ready to prank Bradford.]
  • Tom: Let him have it. Got it. [Bradford comes around the corner] Principal Bradford, here you go. [Tom hands Bradford the pie.]
  • Bradford: [confused] Thanks. [Tom, Lionel, and Jake are excited, while Max is frustrated at Tom for ruining the prank. Lionel, Jake, and Max walk back down the stairs.]
  • Tom: I nailed him. His appetite's so ruined for dinner.
  • Max: Tom?
  • Tom: Yeah? [Max takes Jake's pie and hits Tom in the face with it.] Oh, now I get it. [Lionel and Jake realize what Max meant, too.]
  • Max: Guys, we're gonna work on this all day until you get it right. [Scene switches to Max and his minions in the gym.] Guys, we've worked all day and you haven't gotten anything right! Hey, better hope this prank works, because I'm out of patience and you're out of money.
  • Tom: We promise. It'll work.
  • Jake: We did everything you said. [School bell rings]
  • Lionel: Here they come! Prank positions. [Max and his minions all sit on the top row. Minions realize that Max's leg and arms are crossed, so they cross their arms and legs, too. Cheerleaders run in and get stopped by cling wrap that was set up for a prank. Max starts to smirk and nod, while his minions and excited they finally did something right.]
  • Max: Nice job, guys. You make me smirk. Now come on, smirk with me. [Max's minions try to smirk.] Ugh, you've ruined smirking for me. Take a lap. Let's go, come on! [Minions get up and obey Max after he blows a whistle. Scene transitions to Hank and Barb working in the kitchen, and Phoebe walking through the door after a shopping spree.]
  • Phoebe: Hey, guys!
  • Hank: Woah, Phoebe, great job with the backyard.
  • Barb: Yeah, the car's washed, you went shopping. It's like you have six hands. 
  • Phoebe: Well, I don't, that's impossible. Stop saying that. 
  • Hank: Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up and you'll be able to go to Club Ooh Ooh!
  • Barb: Ah!
  • Hank: I've been practicing. 
  • Barb: Hey, Phoebe, did you remember to clean our bathrooms? [Phoebe sees Billy and Nora coming downstairs with cleaning supplies.]
  • Phoebe: Looks like I did. [Phoebe uses her telekinesis to slow down Billy and Nora with pillows.] Jeez, the couch is messy. I'll throw that one in for free. 
  • Hank: Why can't Max be more like her?
  • Barb: I know, right? [Shows Billy, Nora, and Phoebe talking in the living room.]
  • Nora: What was that?
  • Phoebe: Suprise attack. You guys did great. Your training's totally paying off.
  • Nora: Like you said, if we can handle Dad's bathroom, we can handle any evil. 
  • Billy: We saw things, Phoebe. 
  • Phoebe: Tell me everything outside. [Phoebe waves her hand to signal to go outside, and they obey.] Okay, maybe not everything. [Scene cuts to Hiddenville High. Max's minions are wearing cool clothes and acting differently.]
  • Max: Hey, guys.
  • Tom: Max, what a do?
  • Max: Uh, hip slang, cool clothes... Looks like someone's been watching my DVD.
  • Jake: You know it, son. 
  • Lionel: We watched that DVD-eze for rea-eze.
  • Tom:  The point is, we're all fully Max-imized, bro. 
  • Max: Fully Max-imized? No, you can't be fully Max-imized. Lionel's still got something on his shirt. [Max puts his finger on Lionel's shirt, and Lionel glances at him.] Oh, looks like the training wheels have come off. 
  • Lionel: We learned from the best. Now just sit here in the chair of honor and enjoy the new prank we've been working on. [Max willingly sits in the chair.]
  • Max: Oh, Nice chair! So, where's this prank?
  • Lionel: You're sitting in it, top dog. 
  • Max: What's that now? [Max's wrists get clamped to the chair.] Minions, no. Heed Max and command thee. [Minions disobey and start controlling the prank chair.] You're going to regret this. [Max struggles to get out. Minions control the chair to crash.] No, no! Ah! Don't look at me! [marachi music plays] Somebody stop this! No, oh, not the trash, not the trash! [Max runs into the trash and then some lockers. boxes fall and lockers open. Lionel stops controlling the chair. Mariachi music stops.]
  • Lionel: Students of Hiddenville High: say hello to your new prank kings. [Students cheer for Lionel, Tom, and Jake.] And say goodbye to your old one.
  • Max: Don't you dare. Don't you dareeeee!! [Lionel starts moving Max out into the hallways and everyone starts laughing while Max is screaming. Max crashes really hard.] 
  • Students: Ooooh!!!! [Scene transitions to later, that same day at Hiddenville High.]
  • Max: Hey! What part of my DVD did it say to prank me? [Max holds up clamps that held his hands on the chair.]
  • Tom: You were the one who said, "If you wanna be the best, you gotta take on the top dog."
  • Max: Maybe you guys don't get it. You're my minions. The only way I can reach my goal is by me standing on each one of your little faces. [Max clangs clamps together.]
  • Lionel: We used to be a minions. 
  • Jack: But now, we're manions. [Max sees Bradford take down Max's villain sign and put up a different one.]
  • Max: "Public School Enemy number one through three, Lionel, Jake, and Tom?" Wha-What about me? 
  • Bradford: You? [Bradford laughs] You used to be somebody. [Bradford walks away. Camera slides over to Phoebe and her friends struggling to walk because of their high heels.]
  • Cherry: Okay, oh.
  • Kelsey: These heels we got for the dance club are killing me. 
  • Cherry: I've been late to four classes learning how to walk in these death traps.
  • Phoebe: It'll all be worth it when we glam walk into the club. Let's do this, ladies. Ooh, Ooh! [All three girls try and glam walk. They struggle, and Cherry falls over while saying "Ooh, Ooh!". Scene transitions into Phoebe's room, with Billy and Nora, dressed like they were at a karate class.] You guys are dressed this way because we're about to learn supe-fu, an ancient form of combat--
  • Billy: Awesome!
  • Phoebe: --That can only be mastered by patiently folding my laundry.
  • Billy: Double awesome!
  • Nora: Wait, why can't we just fold our own laundry?
  • Phoebe: [laughing] Because your clothes are too small.
  • Billy: Yeah. Get in the game, Nora. [Billy grabs a shirt and lays it on the table.] Hi-ya-ya-ya! [Billy holds up a perfectly folded shirt.] Ahhh.
  • Phoebe: See? This guy gets it. Alright, I'll be back in a bit. And when you're done, you can rid my room of grime and evil with vacuum-fu. [Phoebe leaves the room.]
  • Nora: Billy, is it just me, or do these training exercises seem strange?
  • Billy: What seems strange to you about this? [Billy grabs a pair of jeans.] Hi-ya-ya-ya! [Billy holds up a perfectly folded pair of jeans.] Ahhh.
  • Nora: Everything! Ugh, seriously, I think Phoebe's using us. 
  • Billy: Stop dissing our sensei and help me supe through this chore list that fell out of Phoebe's laundry. [Billy picks up the list and just about karate chops it when Nora snatches it.]
  • Nora: That chore list-- give me that. We haven't been doing superhero training! We've just been doing her chores!
  • Billy: What? Then this supe-fu belt is a lie. [Billy unties the belt and his pants fall to the ground.] But it was holding up my pants. [Scene transitions to Max's lair, with Dr. Colosso telling jokes.]
  • Colosso: So I went to a restaurant the other day, and the manager tells me that they're closed for Christmas. So I Eastered all over his sidewalk. [laugh track plays.] Thank you. True story-- Hey, Max. [Max walks down the stairs.] Hey, why didn't you take the slide? 
  • Max: Slides are for prank kings. My minions overthrew me, Colosso, so if I can't even control three nerds, how am I gonna take over the world?
  • Colosso: Aww, poor kid, come here, let me give you a hug. 
  • Max: ​​​​​​Thanks, Colosso, I could really use one. [Max leans in for a hug. Colosso slaps Max's face.] Uh, Ow!
  • Colosso: Get a grip. Villans don't quit! Did I quit when your dad turned me into a bunny? 
  • Max: You live in a cage and poop on sawdust. 
  • Colosso: And who cleans it up? You. Now get out there, start acting like a supervillan, and make 'em clean up your poop.
  • Max: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'm Max Thunderman. I'm not about to let three dweebs steal my mojo.
  • Colosso: That's my Maxy. Come on, bring it in. [Max smiles and leans forward for a hug again. Colosso slaps Max's face again. Laugh track plays. Scene transitions to Hiddenville High. Max is at his locker and Lionel, Jake, and Tom walk in.]
  • Max: Hey, guys.
  • Lionel: Hey, has been. 
  • Max: Yeah, you got me. Hey, congratulations on being the new prank kings. 
  • Tom: Say it, don't spray it, bro.
  • Lionel: That doesn't make any sense, Tom. 
  • Tom: I know. I just always wanted to say that. 
  • Max: You know, it's too bad I never got to pull off my most epic prank. I was gonna show this amazing video at Bradford's special assembly. 
  • Tom: It takes one to know one. 
  • Lionel: Be cool, idiot. 
  • Max: Anyway, I can't wait to see what you guys have planned. See ya around. [Max closes his locker, but not all the way on purpose. Max then walks away.]
  • Jake: Ooh! Max left his locker open. 
  • Tom: Oh, I'll close it for him. [Tom walks forward and Lionel slaps his arm away.]
  • Lionel: You're on thin ice, Tom. 
  • Jake: Let's see what this epic prank's all about. [Jake opens Max's locker and takes the tablet out. Jake starts the video and all three guys watch it.]
  • Lionel: Is that who I think it is? 
  • Jake: We're going to be prank legends. [Scene changes to Phoebe in her room, comparing two dresses. Billy and Nora walk in the room.]
  • Phoebe: Hey, you two! Good job with your superhero training. 
  • Nora: We didn't finish our training. We couldn't reach that cobweb up there. 
  • Phoebe: Oh, I can get that. Here. [Phoebe grabs the vacuum and turns it on. The vacuum starts spewing out little scraps and dust. Billy and Nora hide behind a couch.] What's happening? I can't stop it! Help your sensei. [Billy and Nora laugh.] What's happening? 
  • Billy: Payback!
  • Nora: Also laughter. [Hank and Barb walk into the room.]
  • Barb: Phoebe, what are you doing? [Barb uses her electricity powers to try and stop the vacuum while Hank unplugs it.] 
  • Hank: You could've just unplugged it, Barb. 
  • Barb: You wanna explain this garbage party? 
  • Phoebe: Well, it's not my fault. Billy and Nora said they were gonna finish vaccuming my room, but they set this thing on reverse! 
  • Barb: Why were they vacuuming your room? 
  • Phoebe: Because they love me?
  • Billy: Phoebe tricked us into doing all of her chores. She made laundry fun. 
  • Hank: Phoebe, is this true? 
  • Phoebe: No, I was helping them. We were doing superhero training. 
  • Nora: You made us clean Dad's toilet. 
  • Billy: I plunged away my innocence. 
  • Hank: Phoebe?
  • Phoebe: Okay, fine, I--I didn't have time to get ready for the dance club and do all my chores, so I got a little help. But Billy and Nora got their revenge. So, which dress do you like better? [Phoebe grabs the dresses and holds them up. Barb shakes her head and Hank makes a face.] I'm not going to the dance club, am I? 
  • Barb: You'll be too busy cleaning up this room. 
  • Nora: Make it super clean, super teen. Ooh, Ooh!
  • Billy: Ooh, Ooh!
  • Billy and Nora: Ooh, Ooh! Ooh, Ooh! [Scence transitions into Bradford's special assembly with kids running around and making a mess of paper.]
  • Bradford: Alright, alright, calm down, future failures. [Max is shown with a computer at the edge of the stage.] If you're here, it's because you're a problem, a troublemaker, or I don't like your face. [Someone throws something on stage, and it goes behind the curtain.] I'm keeping that. Now, there's been a rash of pranks. Some were funny, the others were directed at me. So you're gonna watch this video on obeying authority. [Curtains open to reveal a screen with the school symbol on it.] You will start respecting me right now. [Bradford pushes a button on his remote and turns around, only to see himself holding a guitar.]
  • Bradford on the video: Yeah, I've been a musician all my life. [Everyone starts laughing and Bradford starts getting mad.] Changing the world one note at a time. Also do kid's parties. Love kids. [guitar starts playing]
  • Bradford: Wait, wait, wh-what is this? Stop this, this-this should not be going on. 
  • Bradford on video: This first one is called, "Yeah, you know it." You'll see why. [Everyone starts laughing. Bradford starts playing and singing.] Yeah, you know it. Yeah, yeah, you know it. Yeah, you know it. Yeah yeah, you know it. Oh yaaaa! [Bradford picks up the computer in front of him and closes it.]
  • Bradford: Stop it! Stop--
  • Lionel: Gentlemen, see you in the prank hall of fame. [Lionel, Tom, and Jake seen doing a handshake.] 
  • Bradford: You're dismissed! Everybody out! [Max changes the video on screen to a video of Lionel, Jake, and Tom planning to play the video at the assembly.]
  • Lionel on video:​​​​​ Is that who I think it is? 
  • Jake on video: We're gonna be prank legends. 
  • Lionel on video: If we show this video at the assembly, it'll be so sweet. [Max stops the video and changes it back to the school logo.]
  • Max: Lionel, Jake, and Tom, you embarrassed our beloved principal. Not cool, guys.
  • Bradford: It was flat-out mean! 
  • Max: Yeah, you know it.
  • Bradford: Should've been a hit. 
  • Max: Hey, you three, get up and apologize to Principal Bradford. While taking a carmel and popcorn shower. [Lionel, Jake, and Tom get up. Max hits a button on his own remote. Three carmel drizzles starts pouring right over Lionel, Jake, and Tom's heads. Bradford laughs at them. Max pushes another button, and popcorn starts raining down on Lionel, Jake and Tom. Everyone laughs. Bradford keeps laughing.]
  • Bradford: [to Max] Clean it up. [to Lionel, Jake, and Tom] Okay, losers, detention. Now.
  • Lionel: Not detention. There's seinors there. 
  • Jake: Please, we'll never prank again.
  • Tom: I'm sticky and scared. [They all follow Bradford to detention.]
  • Max: Fellow troublemakers, your king is back! [Max holds up maracas and the mariachi band comes in, playing. Everyone cheers. Max dances, celebrating his victory. Scene changes to Club Ooh Ooh.]
  • Cherry: It's really great your parents changed their mind and let you come! 
  • Phoebe: Is it? [Sceen zooms out to show Hank, Barb, Billy, and Nora all dancing around.]
  • Kelsey: Uh, we'll be over there. 
  • Phoebe: ​​​​​Couldn't you guys have just grounded me like normal parents?
  • Hank: We're not normal parents. Everybody! Supe-fu! [Hank, Barb, Billy, and Nora dance while doing superhero karate. Episode ends and End Credits play.]